Imagine your phone buzzes with a message from your ex: “Hey, how are you?” It’s a simple question, but it can stir up a lot of emotions.

A few years ago, my own ex reached out during a tough time. I was conflicted about how to respond—whether to keep it casual or reveal more.

How you reply can influence how you move forward, whether you’re seeking closure, maintaining boundaries, or simply acknowledging their concern.

In this guide, we’ll explore the best ways to respond to your ex’s inquiry, helping you navigate this delicate situation with confidence and clarity.

What Does It Mean When an Ex Asks How You Are?

When an ex asks, “How are you?” it can signify various things: a genuine concern for your well-being, an attempt to rekindle the relationship, or just a friendly check-in.

Your response can reflect your current feelings about the breakup, your boundaries, and how you want to maintain or distance yourself from them.

Crafting a thoughtful reply ensures you handle the situation in a way that aligns with your emotional needs and goals.

30 Responses to an Ex Asking How You Are

1. “I’m doing well, thanks. How about you?”

Story: You’re doing fine and wish to keep things amicable.
When to use: When you want to acknowledge their concern while keeping the conversation light.
When not to use: If you’re not ready to engage in conversation or have unresolved feelings.
Example: “I’m doing well, thanks. How about you?”

2. “I’m okay, just focusing on myself right now.”

Story: You’re managing but are prioritizing self-care.
When to use: When you want to emphasize your focus on personal growth.
When not to use: If you’re open to discussing more or need to set clearer boundaries.
Example: “I’m okay, just focusing on myself right now. Thanks for asking.”

3. “I’m doing fine, but I’d prefer to keep our distance.”

Story: You’re okay but want to establish boundaries.
When to use: When you want to maintain distance while acknowledging their message.
When not to use: If you’re open to further communication or if you want to stay friends.
Example: “I’m doing fine, but I’d prefer to keep our distance. I hope you understand.”

4. “I’ve been better, but I’m managing.”

Story: You’re not at your best but are coping.
When to use: When you want to be honest about your struggles without going into detail.
When not to use: If you’re not ready to share or if you need to discuss more.
Example: “I’ve been better, but I’m managing. Thanks for reaching out.”

5. “I’m doing well, thanks for asking. How are things with you?”

Story: You’re doing fine and reciprocate the question.
When to use: When you want to respond positively and also inquire about their well-being.
When not to use: If you prefer to keep the conversation brief or avoid further engagement.
Example: “I’m doing well, thanks for asking. How are things with you?”

6. “I’m okay, just trying to move forward.”

Story: You’re managing but focused on moving on.
When to use: When you want to convey that you’re in a process of personal growth.
When not to use: If you’re not ready to discuss your progress or need to set boundaries.
Example: “I’m okay, just trying to move forward. Thanks for checking in.”

7. “I’m fine, but I think it’s best if we don’t stay in touch.”

Story: You’re alright but want to cut off communication.
When to use: When you want to clearly state your desire to end contact.
When not to use: If you’re open to maintaining a relationship or if you need more closure.
Example: “I’m fine, but I think it’s best if we don’t stay in touch. I hope you understand.”

8. “I’m doing okay, just keeping busy with work and life.”

Story: You’re managing and staying occupied.
When to use: When you want to keep the response positive and non-personal.
When not to use: If you want to address deeper feelings or need to discuss the past.
Example: “I’m doing okay, just keeping busy with work and life. Thanks for asking.”

9. “I’m alright, but I’m focusing on my own healing right now.”

Story: You’re managing but prioritizing personal healing.
When to use: When you want to express your focus on self-care and recovery.
When not to use: If you’re open to discussing more or need to maintain boundaries.
Example: “I’m alright, but I’m focusing on my own healing right now. I appreciate your concern.”

10. “I’m doing well, but I think it’s best if we don’t continue this conversation.”

Story: You’re fine but want to end the dialogue.
When to use: When you want to conclude the conversation politely.
When not to use: If you’re open to further discussion or need to explore your feelings.
Example: “I’m doing well, but I think it’s best if we don’t continue this conversation. Thanks for reaching out.”

11. “I’m okay, just adjusting to some changes.”

Story: You’re managing but adapting to new circumstances.
When to use: When you want to share that you’re dealing with change while remaining positive.
When not to use: If you’re not comfortable discussing changes or need to set boundaries.
Example: “I’m okay, just adjusting to some changes. Thanks for asking.”

12. “I’m doing alright, but I need some space.”

Story: You’re managing but need some distance.
When to use: When you want to communicate your need for space while acknowledging their message.
When not to use: If you’re open to more interaction or need to discuss further.
Example: “I’m doing alright, but I need some space. I hope you understand.”

13. “I’m fine, but I’d rather not discuss personal matters.”

Story: You’re okay but prefer not to delve into personal topics.
When to use: When you want to keep the conversation surface-level.
When not to use: If you’re ready to share more or need to address deeper issues.
Example: “I’m fine, but I’d rather not discuss personal matters. Thanks for reaching out.”

14. “I’m doing well, but I’m focused on my own journey right now.”

Story: You’re managing but concentrating on your personal path.
When to use: When you want to highlight your focus on personal growth.
When not to use: If you need to discuss your situation more or if you’re open to interaction.
Example: “I’m doing well, but I’m focused on my own journey right now. Thanks for asking.”

15. “I’m okay, but I think it’s best for both of us if we move on.”

Story: You’re managing but believe it’s time to part ways.
When to use: When you want to emphasize the need to move on.
When not to use: If you’re open to discussing or if you need more closure.
Example: “I’m okay, but I think it’s best for both of us if we move on. I hope you understand.”

16. “I’m doing alright, just working on some personal goals.”

Story: You’re managing and focusing on personal development.
When to use: When you want to convey that you’re concentrating on your own growth.
When not to use: If you’re not ready to share or need to discuss other aspects of your life.
Example: “I’m doing alright, just working on some personal goals. Thanks for checking in.”

17. “I’m fine, but I’m not looking to reconnect.”

Story: You’re okay but want to avoid rekindling the relationship.
When to use: When you want to clarify that you’re not interested in reconnecting.
When not to use: If you’re open to discussing or if you need more closure.
Example: “I’m fine, but I’m not looking to reconnect. I hope you understand.”

18. “I’m okay, but I’m taking things one day at a time.”

Story: You’re managing and focusing on handling each day.
When to use: When you want to express that you’re dealing with things gradually.
When not to use: If you’re not ready to discuss your process or need more support.
Example: “I’m okay, but I’m taking things one day at a time. Thanks for asking.”

19. “I’m doing well, but I need to keep my distance.”

Story: You’re fine but want to maintain separation.
When to use: When you want to politely set boundaries.
When not to use: If you’re open to communication or need more closure.
Example: “I’m doing well, but I need to keep my distance. I hope you understand.”

20. “I’m alright, just handling a few things on my own.”

Story: You’re managing and working through personal matters.
When to use: When you want to acknowledge that you’re dealing with things independently.
When not to use: If you’re not comfortable sharing or if you need more support.
Example: “I’m alright, just handling a few things on my own. Thanks for reaching out.”

21. “I’m fine, but I prefer not to revisit the past.”

Story: You’re okay but want to avoid discussing the past.
When to use: When you want to keep the conversation forward-focused.
When not to use: If you’re open to discussing the past or need more closure.
Example: “I’m fine, but I prefer not to revisit the past. Thanks for understanding.”

22. “I’m doing well, but I’m focusing on myself.”

Story: You’re managing and concentrating on personal growth.
When to use: When you want to express that you’re prioritizing self-improvement.
When not to use: If you’re open to discussing more or need to address other issues.
Example: “I’m doing well, but I’m focusing on myself. Thanks for asking.”

23. “I’m okay, just trying to figure things out.”

Story: You’re managing and working on resolving personal matters.
When to use: When you want to acknowledge that you’re in a transitional phase.
When not to use: If you’re not ready to discuss or need more support.
Example: “I’m okay, just trying to figure things out. Thanks for checking in.”

24. “I’m doing alright, but I need to keep my space.”

Story: You’re managing but require distance.
When to use: When you want to communicate the need for space while acknowledging their concern.
When not to use: If you’re open to further discussion or need more closure.
Example: “I’m doing alright, but I need to keep my space. I appreciate your understanding.”

25. “I’m fine, but I’d like to move forward without looking back.”

Story: You’re okay but want to focus on the future.
When to use: When you want to make it clear that you’re moving on.
When not to use: If you’re open to discussing the past or need more closure.
Example: “I’m fine, but I’d like to move forward without looking back. Thanks for understanding.”

26. “I’m doing well, but I’m focusing on personal growth.”

Story: You’re managing and working on improving yourself.
When to use: When you want to express your dedication to personal development.
When not to use: If you’re not ready to discuss or need more support.
Example: “I’m doing well, but I’m focusing on personal growth. Thanks for asking.”

27. “I’m okay, just taking things one step at a time.”

Story: You’re managing and handling things gradually.
When to use: When you want to convey that you’re dealing with things incrementally.
When not to use: If you’re not ready to share or need more support.
Example: “I’m okay, just taking things one step at a time. Thanks for reaching out.”

28. “I’m fine, but I think it’s best if we keep our distance.”

Story: You’re doing alright but prefer to maintain boundaries.
When to use: When you want to set clear boundaries.
When not to use: If you’re open to further conversation or need to discuss more.
Example: “I’m fine, but I think it’s best if we keep our distance. I hope you understand.”

29. “I’m doing well, but I’m focusing on moving forward.”

Story: You’re managing and concentrating on your future.
When to use: When you want to communicate your focus on moving on.
When not to use: If you’re not ready to discuss your progress or need more support.
Example: “I’m doing well, but I’m focusing on moving forward. Thanks for checking in.”

30. “I’m okay, but I’m not interested in reconnecting.”

Story: You’re managing but want to avoid rekindling the relationship.
When to use: When you want to clearly state that you’re not interested in reconnecting.
When not to use: If you’re open to discussing or need more closure.
Example: “I’m okay, but I’m not interested in reconnecting. I hope you understand.”

When to Use the Reply

When to Use the Reply: Use these replies when you need to address your ex’s concern, maintain boundaries, or indicate your current state without delving into deeper emotions or discussions.

When Not to Use the Reply: Avoid using these replies if they don’t fit your feelings, if you’re open to discussing more, or if you need to address unresolved issues.

Top 10 Editor Choice Responses

1. “I’m doing well, thanks for asking. How are you?”
   For when you want to acknowledge their concern and reciprocate the question.
2. “I’m okay, just focusing on myself right now. Thanks for understanding.”
   When you need to prioritize self-care and set boundaries.
3. “I’m doing fine, but I’d prefer to keep our distance. I hope you understand.”
   To maintain clear boundaries while acknowledging their message.
4. “I’ve been better, but I’m managing. Thanks for reaching out.”
   To express that you’re coping without going into details.
5. “I’m alright, but I’m focusing on my own healing right now. Thanks for asking.”
   When you want to emphasize personal growth and recovery.
6. “I’m okay, just trying to move forward. Thanks for checking in.”
   To convey that you’re in a process of moving on.
7. “I’m fine, but I’m not looking to reconnect. I hope you understand.”
   When you want to make it clear that you’re not interested in rekindling the relationship.
8. “I’m doing well, but I need to keep my distance. I appreciate your concern.”
   To set boundaries while acknowledging their message.
9. “I’m okay, just handling a few things on my own. Thanks for reaching out.”
   To convey that you’re managing personal matters independently.
10. “I’m doing alright, but I need some space. I hope you understand.”
    For when you need to communicate your need for distance.